Chris Ray Gun x Laci Green- A Smutty Fanfic That I Regret Ever Making
by squigglysquirm
Summary: I put far too much effort into this joke. This is basically ripped straight off of /s/8963596/6/Damn with the names changed, some in-jokes added, and some grammatical errors fixed. The sex parts were mostly left intact. I regret making this, I'm sure you regret seeing this, and I wish I could've found a way to make a bleach joke, but I couldn't. Fuck you.


"I'll defy the Klan and all who call me dumb are Nazis ... "

Laci danced around her room, singing loudly into the handle of the broom she held in her hand. She was currently multitasking, sweeping the floor, and jamming to the music blasting from her bedroom speakers.

"All by, all by proxy" Laci twirled around, still singing along with the music. Bending over she picked up the small rug that laid at the edge of her bed and moved it out of her way, still tooting her ass up to the beat.

"Love trumps hate you guys, so let's go pepper spray some woman's eyes..." Standing up and turning around Laci dropped the broom on the floor, startled to see Chris standing in the doorway, looking at her with amused eyes.

"Really, Laci?" Chris asked setting Paul down next to the dresser and turning off the video. "This is what you do when you're not making videos?"

"I didn't hear you come in" Laci reached down and picked the broom back up.

"How could you with the music so loud, what are you doing?"

"I'm cleaning..and I was listening to the music...until you turned it off. I would appreciate it if you turned it back on."

"I think the neighbors would appreci-"

"Chris, my music please" Laci smiled, shaking her body from side to side once Chris turned the video back on.

Setting the broom against the wall, Laci began swaying her hips, dancing towards Chris. Grabbing him by his arms she pulled him towards her.

"Punch a, punch a Nazi " Laci smiled still singing along, stripping Chris of his army jacket.

"Laci, what are you doing?"

Laci ignored him, turning around and gyrating her ass against him.

"Laci.." Chris chuckled lightly when Laci brought her hands to her knees and continued to dance on him.

"You're not going to dance with me, Chris?" Laci asked in a sultry voice, throwing her ass back at him and Chris grabbed her hips, the two of them dancing, swaying their bodies to the rhythm of the music.

Simultaneously they both dipped their hips, Laci adding an arch to her back, both of them yelling out "Punch a, Punch a Nazi" .

Laci fell over with laughter, surprised to hear that Chris also sang along with the song.

"Let me find out, Chris" Laci turned around, her body still swaying to the beat. "Why did you make this song?"

"Do I need to remind you of my musical genius?"

"Genius?" Laci laughed "Oh whatever, this song got what..." Laci trailed off in thought, trying to remember the views of the song playing through her speakers.

"This song got over a million views, I remember because the ladies couldn't contain themselves when they heard my heavenly singing. Good times," Chris smirked.

Laci stopped dancing and stood back, placing one hand on her hip, she rolled her eyes at Chris. "Do you really expect me to believe that you were getting danced on by a bunch of half naked women when this song came out?" Laci turned the music down and grabbed the broom to begin sweeping again. "And anyways this song barely got over a million views."

"I never said they were half naked, but you're right it might've been just 50k over. But it really doesn't matter, 50k, 100k, I just know it brings back great memories."

"Oh really? Great memories?" Laci asked with a raised eye brow "How great?"

"Well they wer- umm.."

"Greater than any of the memories I've ever given you?" Laci teased, setting the broom down.

"Hmmmm, I don't know. I'll have to get back to you on that one"

"Really, Chris?" Laci gasped, jabbing him in his side and moving away quickly before he could grab her

"I was just joking, Laci! No one has ever given me greater memories than you" Chris stepped forward, reaching out and grabbing her by the waist, pulling her towards him.

The next song began to play and Chris turned Laci around pinning her between the dresser and himself.

"You know all of my best memories have taken place with you" Chris pushed himself up against her. "Don't you?" He asked her, his lips a breath away from hers.

"Except for that time I drank bleach in the streets of LA. That was great. I almost died. Best day of my whole life. Or maybe that time I walked with Legos in my shoes for over an hour. The pain in my feet managed to distract me from the pain of this existential nightmare quite well.

Laci smiled closing the distance between their lips. Chris leaned in, wasting no time thrusting his thick tongue into her mouth, sucking down on hers. Her kisses were sweet and tangy, Chris loved how her tongue felt brushed up against and tangled with his.

Laci moaned feeling Chris' growing manhood pushing against her sex. However, it was hard to tell if it was growing or not, because Chris' full blown erection was probably around the size of most people's half chubs.

Picking her up and swinging her over the dresser, Chris slammed her hard against the wall, shaking Chris' silver play button plaque. Laci winced and broke the kiss to pull her shirt over her head.

Chris reached behind her and unclipping her bra, exposing her nipples. Taking one into his mouth, Chris roughly sucked and pulled on the brown bud.

Setting her on her feet, he unbuttoned and dragged both her pants and panties off, leaving Laci completely naked against the wall. They continued kissing and sucking on each others mouths with fierce urgency. As if they were the source for each others oxygen supply.

Paul watched with intense curiosity, planning how to best get to Chris' camera, film the action unfolding, and use it to blackmail him into getting a second stuffed llama as a mate. Eventually he realized he was a stuffed animal and possessed no actual muscles, so he resigned himself to silently judging the two fuckos going at it.

Chris lifted Laci up and carried her to the bed, tossing her down, watching her breasts bounce around wildly as Laci fell.

Laci momentarily sat back, quickly trying to catch her breath "And what do you think you're about to do with that YouTube silver play button?" She asked breathlessly propping herself up on her elbows watching Chris remove his plaque from the wall and drop it to the floor.

"The plaque? Nothing. But this noose?" Chris smirked removing his noose from the hook in the closet, watching Laci carefully. "I can think of a lot of things I'm about to do with this noose."

"I hope one of them isn't tying me up."

"Don't tell me you're scared."

"Scared of what?" Laci frowned hoping Chris didn't sense her fear. She had never been noosed before and while the idea did excite her, the fear of being completely out of control made her hesitant.

"You can't run if you're tied up" Chris continued to strip down, letting out a sigh of relief when he dropped his pants and pulled down his underwear, letting his erection go free.

"When do I ever run?" Laci asked her eyes shooting down to his growing manhood. "Never, actually. I can't remember the last time you exercised. Probably explains your flab though," Chris helpfully and sexily explained. She licked her lips watching Chris' cock twitch and slightly swing from side to side as he walked around to the other side of the bed.

Paul was thoroughly unimpressed. He thought his erection was more impressive. It isn't the size that matters, it's how you use it. Of course, he had to think that considering his own penis barely reached half a centimeter. Paul's eyes began to well up with the suppressed inadequacy inside of him, as well as the repressed urge to let Chris fuck his tight stuffed llama ass.

"I promise to untie you if it starts to hurt" Chris assured her and Laci nodded still staring at his manhood that stood at attention in front of her, trusting his word. "Now turn over." Chris demanded.

Laci finally looked up from his cock and stared him in his eyes, challenging him. "Make me."

Chris let go off a small chuckle before grabbing her arm and swinging her around on the bed onto her stomach. Which would have been quite a feat for a man his size, except Laci had basically let him, so even that mediocre feat was unearned, much like every success he had ever had.

Laci winced a little and Chris finally climbed on to the bed. Positioning himself behind her. Laci got on her knees, arching her ass up. Her hands pressing into the soft pillow cases on their bed.

Chris pulled his hand back and smacked her ass hard and Laci fell forward, a small whimper left her lips. Reaching around and grabbing both her arms, Chris used his noose to tie them together. Loose enough so it wouldn't hurt but tight enough so she couldn't break loose.

With her hands securely tied behind her back, Chris leaned forward so he could whisper into her ear. His cock grazed Laci's opening and she whimpered again, growing anxious.

"How bad do you want it, Laci?"

"Chris, please! Don't make me beg." Laci's voice was urgent and heavy.

Chris stuck his tongue out and licked her earlobe before retreating back to his original position. Her legs were spread. Her ass in the air arched up at him, Chris smiled down at the sight in front of him. Running his hands around her ass he griped her cheeks, squeezing it hard. His finger nails pressing deep down into her skin.

Laci moaned softly into the pillow when Chris spread her ass and slipped two fingers inside of her. Finger fucking her slowly before removing them and bringing them to his lips. Taking one into his mouth and sucking it dry, saving the other one for Laci. "Hmmm" he moaned

Teasing her opening with the thick head of his cock, Chris slapped his erection against her core.

At this point, Paul had seen enough. The alluring quality of Chris' penis had grown too much. Ever since Brendaniel had voiced him in that one episode, the enduring gayness inside of him had remained. It was growing too large to ignore, much like Chris' penis. Still he had his dignity, and valiantly remained silent and held it in. Not that Chris would have heard it, considering how loudly him and Laci were now going at it.

"Hold still" Chris told Laci when she began to squirm around. Feeding her his finger with her juices on it to her, Laci bit down on it when he stroked inside of her, stretching her walls to accommodate his size.

Pulling out all the way, Chris teased her opening again before ramming into her hard.

Gripping the back of her neck tightly, Chris pushed her face into the pillow, plunging into her heat, long and hard. Each stroke deeper and harder than the last. His balls slapping against her sensitive core.

Laci buried her face into the pillow biting down on the cotton case, muffling her screams.

With her hands tied behind her, Chris had full control over where he wanted Laci's body to go. Still holding on tightly to the back of her neck, using his free hand Chris slapped her ass again. Laci threw her head back, screaming loudly.

"Ahhh YES!" She cried out as her walls gripped him tightly. She was dripping wet, her juices running down her legs and dropping onto the sheets.

Chris grunted in response, his mind in a daze feeling Laci's pussy pulsating around his cock. Her scorching hot, wetness clamping on his dick causing Chris to also throw his head back in pleasure.

"Harder, Chris." Laci begged "Fuck."

Both his hands were now around her neck and Chris pushed her face down deeper into the pillow. Fucking her with full force. "Shit" he grunted

The music was still playing in the background, mixing in with the sounds of their grunts and moans and the bed rocketing forward, beating against the wall.

"I'll be demonizing everyone who's white, and I'll be calling you all Nazis."

Chris thrusted into her deep and wild, with each stroke he laid into Laci, she was experiencing a mixture of pain and pleasure. Laci bit down on her bottom lip, almost drawing blood to hold in her screams.

Letting go of her lip she cried out into the pillow, wishing her hands weren't tied so she could hold on to anything her fingers could grasp.

Her toes were involuntarily curling up and she felt each of Chris strokes hit her gut from the inside out. Each thrust after the next sent shock waves through her. But she needed more, she needed it to be harder.

"Rougher, Chris. Fuck me harder" she cried out desperately in between moans.

Chris slipped out of her, letting go of her neck, instead moving his hands up to her hair. Grabbing a fist full Chris yanked her backwards, bringing Laci's sweaty body against his.

Pushing her against the headboard, Chris spread her legs even wider, his right hand playing with clit. His left hand on her breast, twisting at her nipples. Licking a few circles, he bit down on her necK, certain to leave a mark. Her skin salty under his tongue.

"Untie me please, Chris" Laci asked before he could slip back into her warmth. Her arms were growing sore.

Paul was sweating like Chris' armpits. The constant monotone of the soothing yet incredibly creepy voice of Brendaniel telling him to suck Chris' dick was starting to wear on him. Desperate, he reached into the psychicpebbles part of his brain, which provided him with a disturbing number of videos of people dying in amusing ways. Psychicpebbles' unsettling fascination with death was probably an early indication of psychosis, but at this point it served its purpose. Paul mentally went over people being spun around like Beyblades by passing trains, watching chickens lead mothers and their children to death, and a whole bunch of deadly Chinese escalators until his raging sex erection was replaced by a raging sadist erection. "Jesus, psychicpebbles really is a sick bastard." Thought Paul as his phobia of ever going to Brazil steadily increased.

Chris abided, untying her arms and Laci stretched them over her head. Happy to be free.

Turning Laci around, Chris pulled her down and laid her on her back. Spreading her legs open wide.

Laci stomach flipped as she looked down at him aligning his cock up with her opening. Beads of sweat were dripping down his chest as it rose up and down heavily.

He was teasing her again and Laci tried to wiggle and squirm to get the head of his cock inside of her, which was at the base of her opening.

Her pussy was pulsating, anxiously waiting for him to plunge into her.

Finally he slid into heat. They both let out a loud moan. Chris' hands were on her legs keeping them spread far apart as he stroked into her, pouring all of his energy into fucking the life out of Laci. Her breast vibrating and bouncing to the beat of his thrust.

His face was contorted up in pleasure, but there was also a certain determination mixed in his facial features. Laci looked into his dark eyes and didn't see Chris. The man plunging in and out of her was almost mechanical, his movements sharp and fast, as they had to be to make up for his incredibly small stature. Every hard thrust deliberately made so that Laci would feel it all over her body.

Laci arched her hips up, trying to meet Chris stroke for stroke, her efforts falling short, just like Chris was. His movements too rapid and her body too drained and exhausted to keep up.

To be honest she didn't know how Chris was still going or where he got this sudden burst of energy from, though unbeknownst to her he had just realized that he had left his computer on at his apartment and that Tom Sweeney might at any moment walk into his room and see the 20+ tabs of Laci Green rule 34 he had been jerking off to.

Laci clenched her eyes shut, soft whimpers falling from her lips. She was so close. Her hands reached around and grabbed Chris' ass, pushing him in deeper.

"CHRIS!" she cried out licking her lips.

Chris' hips bucked forward and his movements became wild. Slipping one of his fingers between her legs, Chris lightly grazed his finger over her center and Laci squealed. He pressed down, slighty pinching her center between his two fingers. He used his index finger to made circles around her clit, sending Laci over the edge. She screamed out his name, telling him how good he felt.

Laci's eyes rolled to the back of her head, her body arched up, enjoying the tingling feeling traveling through her. Her orgasm taking over her body. She let out a few more closed mouth moans as Chris still stroked her pussy, before exploding inside of her.

His adrenaline run was over, exhaustion suddenly hitting him and he crashed down on top of Laci.

Not minding she ran her fingers up and down his back until he rolled over, laying next to her.

Running his hand across his forehead he turned his head to look at Laci. His hot, heavy breath running down the side of her neck, as that was as far his body could reach.

They both remained quiet, not having the energy to do anything but listening to whatever song was playing on the computer.

Laci carefully scooted over closer to him to cuddled up against his side. Her body sore and stiff.

Laying her head on his chest, Laci could hear his rapid heartbeat decreasing as his breathing went back to normal. However, it was still unusually fast. That was due to the fact that smaller animals have faster heartbeats, she remembered. She reached down and gripped his shaft. Stroking his length slowly.

"Laci, I really don't have it in me to go an-"

"Shhhhh" Laci whispered closing her eyes, her hands gripping his balls, massaging them gently.

A smug smile broke out on Laci's face when she felt Chris jerk in her hands and a small whimper leave his mouth. Her actions eventually slowed and came to a stop all together, once sleep quickly claimed both of them.

Paul, however, was still glaring judgmentally at both of them, with thoughts of how to best destroy Chris' entire life danced through his head. However, Stamper's voice had just woken up from a drug-induced slumber and was now ranting about how the Illuminati created automatic urinals to secretly take pictures of men's dicks to blackmail anyone who went against their globalist agenda. Paul couldn't think clearly after that, so instead he tried to get the personality of Mark English to calm Stamper down with some autistic yet family friendly pleading.


End file.
